User Profile

I

was baptized and circumcised.
got chased through a kitchen by a crazed doctor with a chainsaw.
fired a gun.
walked underwater.
convinced my girlfriend that God would get mad at her if she broke any of his precious nicknacks.
was always the dog in first grade.
befriended the bully.
was sick a lot.
lived next to a drug addict that died recently.
was best friends with her son.
heard loud, scary noises coming from his house.
took care of him.
slipped around his bathroom with him, butt naked.
have done a line dance.
look good with a red bandana.
had a parrot that escaped from his cage, flew away, and flew right back.
got caps on most of my teeth because of severe calcium deficiency.
got mercury in most of my teeth because doctors make mistakes.
was forced to use glasses I didn't need because doctors make mistakes.
was given three different shots every week for two years because doctors make mistakes.
didn't want to be prayed for.
was dead for eight seconds.
like hospital food a lot.
wish I could have played the ukulele as well as you did, Katie.
spent a lot of time in Hyrule.
got handcuffs for my birthday.
was on Aloha Airlines Flight 243.
dotted coloring books instead of coloring in them.
will never forget playing Super Mario World with you at 2 AM, Cody.
hate you, but you taught me how to ride a bike.
got Jurassic Park, came home, and watched my mom break down.
wonder what you would have been like if your wife hadn't died of cancer.
am in your bedroom, but I've never seen her ghost.
dressed up like Satan for Halloween.
had to go to a special school to learn how to balance and walk.
hope you still remember Tremors, David.
don't understand why the coolest people do drugs.
will never forget how you pulled out all the stops just to get me to Grandpa's House.
stepped on your Capri Sun because I can be a real dick sometimes.
lied: I did stay up all night, and Santa didn't come.
saw your mom take away the milk and cookies.
still wish you were my godparents.
slept a lot.
had pavor nocturnus.
fucking destroyed pavor nocturnus, REM, unconsciousness, and my dreams.
watched the doctor sew the skin back onto my leg.
miss you, even though you've changed.
miss you too, even though you haven't.
hope you're happy up there with all of those chickens to chase.
wish you didn't hate Hawaii so much, but I can see where you're coming from.
wish my brother was sentient so that we could play video games together.
miss that house, that guava tree, and all of those terrible NES games we had to blow in.
have a son.
made a lot of tents.
sat under an umbrella, through a thunderstorm, with you.
swung from vines and almost got speared.
didn't win that singing contest at the fair.
am sorry for always leaving in the morning.
should have stayed.
was chubby.
was skinny.
guess I'm average-sized now.
used to suck on my collar until it was drenched.
don't even know where the fuck you went, Brian.
do know that your brother got AIDS.
still want to go for a walk in Oregon with you.
had asthma.
have severe allergies, primary immunodeficiency, and probably a form of autism, but diagnostics have never helped me in the past.
wrote my first novel in the sixth grade.
was obsessed with a girl named Echo until puberty kicked in.
counseled more students than the counselor.
got lost in worlds inside of books--literally.
frightened a friend into quitting Paganism.
always had Scary Stories checked out.
got kicked out of the library for talking too loudly.
shared a room--and Final Fantasy VII--with my nephew.
didn't realize that you were going to jack off to Mary Kate and Ashley.
was the best singer in Chorus until my voice started cracking.
had anxiety attacks whenever my mom didn't pick me up from school at exactly 2:15.
eventually got over it when I started hanging out with you on the gold rails.
shouldn't have traded all of my Pokemon cards for 40 dollars.
let my Tamagotchi die because it was fucking annoying.
thought that "gay" meant 'crossdressing'; that's why I said no.
did pretend to be a girl online for a couple years, though.
want to play Perfect Dark, Mario Party, and Mario Kart with all of you again.
thought I wanted both of you to tie me up until you actually started to tie me up.
don't know what we saw in the sky on that night, but I will never forget what it looked like, and who I got to watch it with.
just realized that J.K. Rowling stole our idea!
think we should sue.
literally jumped up and down in glee when 9/11 happened, because school got canceled.
never told you, but I can't recognize faces, it's difficult for me to understand speech, and denying my tics is torture.
got really sick in high school, got pulled out at 15, got my GED, and entered college at 16.
watched the doctor perform surgery on my eye.
thought Culinary Arts was about food, but I was naive.
don't understand why you trusted me so quickly, Abe.
am a great actor.
don't think that phone interview went too well.
realized that the education system was bullshit pretty early on, but I was being paid to attend.
almost cried when I couldn't get Xenosaga II up and running.
did cry when I got Xenosaga II up and running.
am referring to the monkey hands, not the ending.
became immersed in World of Warcraft.
was in a car that almost flipped over.
was in a car crash, but I didn't look up when we crashed; I was writing an essay.
am a chick magnet and that's a problem.
got seizured on.
got fucking seizured on.
can't believe someone as campy as you isn't gay.
pulled the ti leaf off of your crotch.
can't believe you got me to take off my shirt and stomp around like a lunatic.
have a third nipple.
stayed up all night, by the pool, sipping water, watching the stars.
liked you when you weren't in the kitchen, but when you got in there, you turned into a monster.
know why.
stayed up for 40 hours, twice, and got Silver and Bronze at the Culinary Classic.
wasn't really having fun with you or your friends.
think you're shallow and boring, and you have no passion, and the Nintendo Wii sucks.
said I wasn't coming back and I told the truth.
had more fun with the lesbians and trannies.
was the ghost at the theater for a while.
didn't realize that you were so reckless; it was a big turn-off for me.
already have enough shit to deal with.
don't need AIDS too.
have created the greatest story ever told, and I'm going to make it even better before I have it published.
am R. Averis, and I haven't even gotten started.

I've beaten

Super Mario 1, 2, 3, Lost Levels, World, 64
Mario Kart, Mario Kart 64, Mario Kart DS
Mario is Missing
Zelda 1, Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Wind Waker
Metroid, Super Metroid, Metroid Prime
Donkey Kong Country
Banjo Kazooie
Twisted Tales of Spike McFang
Goldeneye 007
Perfect Dark
Final Fantasy I, II, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, X-2, XII
Dirge of Cerberus
Silent Hill 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Xenosaga 1, 2, 3
Xenogears
Chrono Trigger, Cross
Persona 3
Metal Gear Solid 1, 2, 3
Okami
Gradius V
Kinetica
Kingdom Hearts 1, 2, Chain of Memories
Space Channel 5, Part 1 and 2
Shadow of the Colossus
Einhander
Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Dead Space
FEAR 1, 2
Warcraft III
World of Warcraft, Burning Crusade
Fallout 3
Myst
LEGO Island
Uniracers
Legend of Dragoon
Grandia III
Super Smash Brothers
Street Fighter 2
ICO
Pokemon Blue
Kirby's Adventure
Soul Calibur II
Mirror's Edge

I'm playing

Knights of the Old Republic
Cryostasis
Dark Sector
Dreamfall
Fable
Half Life 2
iFluid
Indigo Prophecy
Onimusha 3
Prince of Persia
Psychonauts
Resident Evil 4
The Last Remnant
Timeshift
Obscure
Devil May Cry 4
Braid
Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth

http://xenoverse.livejournal.com/
http://www.myspace.com/raveris
http://s118.photobucket.com/albums/o102/Bergrick/
http://s304.photobucket.com/albums/nn177/chickenhawked/